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Should You Work With Your Spouse
Sean: Dan asks, are there challenges in working with a spouse?
My answer Dan would be, it is the most amazing thing for me. I have nothing that I would say is a challenge with working with Apple. Maybe it’s just because it’s Apple and she’s a brilliant, fantastic, loving person that is so easy to work with.
Apple: Of course there are challenges. We are very Yin and Yang, right? But Dan, it’s very enjoyable. It’s very challenging, but you have to set clear lines. I think it’s all about setting clear lines. Where do you set the line between this is your turf, this is mine, this is your responsibility, and this is mine? And it’s all about respect. Even if you don’t agree with your spouse or you don’t agree with how he or she does things, respect and trust. Trust him, trust her that he will pull through, and he or she will be the one to fix the mess that he or she creates. And yeah, that will also grow your spouse and grow you as the spouse.
So there are a lot of challenges. I’m sure even just having a spouse has challenges and working with one also has its own set. But I also want to be very honest with the listeners that we don’t have much challenges, Sean and I, to start with in terms of working together. Because again, there are clear boundaries set by him and by me. And I also respect that we have similar work ethics. We like getting things done and we like doing things excellently. So I think standards have to be set as well when you work with your spouse.
Also as a spouse, so I’m his wife. So as a wife, remember that he is your leader whether you are in the house or outside the house. So that is for the wives out there. It’s God’s design that we submit to our husbands, no matter how hard it is, but we submit because we know that it is His will, and it is really through Him that we are submitting to, and not always to our husbands.
And also, we don’t just take matters into our own hands. I’m talking to the wives that when we don’t like something, we do something, you know, we take matters into our own hands, we change the course, or we suddenly just don’t follow because that’s going to affect the whole team. It’s not just about a husband and wife this time or a family, it’s the whole team. You should know that in the bigger picture of things and the bigger mesh of things, it’s your husband or your spouse that leads you and leads the whole team. Yeah.
Sean: Perfect. Yeah. And Dan I leave you with these very, very wise words that I heard before from Comedy Central. What do you want to be? Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy? So think about that.
We have a question from Saint Dane. How do you guys manage finances as a couple?
I would say whoever is better with money should manage the finances. And between Apple and I, that’s going to be her. I may have been given the gift of making money, but not that great with keeping it. That’s her gift and so I let her handle it.
Apple: He also has the gift of spending it. That’s why. Also not that I’m a better manager, but it’s also more of who enjoys doing it more. And so it’s important also to remember who likes to do it. Because if that someone who manages it “better”doesn’t really want to do it, then how would you do it? So you guys have to talk about that. Who wants to do it? So I wanted to do it as well. And that is also why I’m the one managing the finances.
I think it’s also very important that as a couple, you don’t leash, you don’t control the spouse. For example, for both Sean and myself, he spends more than I do so I don’t put a leash on him. I don’t put like cuffs that, oh, don’t spend anymore. It’s a matter of, again, trust. It’s a matter of trust. And especially if your husband is not someone, or if your spouse is not someone who just spends, but also works, I think you also ought to let that person enjoy the fruit, the fruits of his or her labor.
Sean: Yeah. I think if the person can’t enjoy the fruit of his or her labor, then that person might stop bearing fruit, you know? Cause like, what for?
This is so bad. You know, I’m so bad at handling money. There was a time I remember that a client paid with a check and it’s a significant amount. And I left it in my car drawer until the check expired. When I told the client, “Hey, can you replace this check? Because it expired and it’s a significant amount. And I forgot that it existed. I left it in my car compartment.” The client said, “you probably don’t need money.” That’s not true. I actually needed that money. It’s just that I forgot about it. That’s how bad I am with handling money.
So I have the gift of making it, but not keeping it right. So if you’re not that good at keeping it, you have to outsource it to someone who is really good at it. Thank God that it’s my wife.
Next question from Patrick, do you lend money to people close to you? What are the precautions you do to make sure that you return your money?
Apple: We are Bible believing Christians and I am reminded of the verse, ask and it will be given to you. Knock and the door will be open. Something like that, Patrick. I’m sure you’ve heard of this. So when someone asks us for money, especially people close to us, the first thing we do is we pray. Individually, we pray. And then we ask each other because we respect that the money that we have is conjugal. What’s mine is his, what’s his, is mine, something like that. So we ask each other if we have the same sentiments. Or how do you think about this? Is it okay for you if I do this, et cetera? So the answer for the first question is yes, we have done this, close to us and we lend them money.
What are the precautions you do to make sure they return? I’m sorry for this, but I would again quote a verse, but there is another verse in the Bible that says when you do lend to people, you should expect for it not to be returned. And this is also, I believe is very wise because this makes sure that there are no ill feelings and unforgiveness in your heart, just in case the person won’t be able to pay you back. So that’s the precaution. That’s number one. We are ready when we lend. We are ready if the person would not be able to pay it back.
Of course, there’s also the logical way of approaching it, which is also something that we do, which is we ask for the timeline. When would you think you would be able to pay back? Would there be an interest to the money borrowed? And where would be the source of income or how would you be able to pay for this money? So I think those are the precautions Patrick. But more importantly, I also think and believe that when you do something for others, it will be given back to you by our God. Just so that also to remove the anxiety and the pressure.
Also, one more thing, God loves a cheerful giver. So if you’re not in your heart cheerful to give, to lend that money, my advice, personal advice would be don’t do it. If you don’t have the peace in your heart, don’t do it because it’s not worth it, it’s not worth your friendship or your being relatives. I’m not sure it could also be a factor if a relative asks for money. It’s just not worth it. Maybe you could offer help or assistance as to how he or she, that the person lending money or asking for the money to be able to get more sources or more funds instead of being the one lending. Hope that helps.
Sean: That’s a brilliant answer right there. I could only add a little bit. So at the end of the day, everything we have is owned by God. He made us, he made everything. Even your money. The Bible says we’re just stewards or managers of it. And so what Apple and I usually do is we pray for how much we can give and we pray for that person as well. And then we let that person know, hey, you know what? This is usually the case. You know what? You don’t have to pay us back, but usually we can’t lend whatever it is they’re asking if it’s big.
So we usually pay for an amount that we can only give cheerfully within our hearts. And we just tell that person that, you know what, we can’t lend you, whatever it is you’re asking. But hey, you know what, here’s the good news. We can give you this amount. You don’t have to pay us back. This is yours. And we’re praying for you. We know, and we hope that you’re going to get through this. And if you need any advice, you can just let us know. We’re happy to help.
And you know what, usually they take it because a lot of people they’re really in need. You know, a lot of people ask us for help. They’re really in need, and they just need it during that time. And God has blessed us so many times by giving away. You’d never understand how that amount is going to go back to you, but it’s going to go back to you. Multiple times. That’s what I can say. I’m a living testimony of that.
Apple: Yeah. Whether in money or in kind, right?
Sean: Yeah. Whether in money or in kind.
So I hope you enjoyed this episode. Follow us on Spotify and on YouTube, the Leadership Stack podcasts. And if you are on YouTube, please hit that subscribe button and the like button. Let us know. Let us know. You know, we want to hear from you, put it in the comments section. Bet into the Discord channel. Chat with me there. You can ask questions from there and I do respond within the week and I would love to hear from you.
Yeah. I hope you guys enjoyed this one and we’re signing off and I hope to see you next week. Take care guys.
Apple: Take care. Keep safe. Bye everyone.