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How To Find The Right Business Coach with Yewande Faloyin
Sean: I love how you approach things and I’m interested in what you tell them. If one of them and I’m sure you’ve had this question before, Hey Yewande I have a problem because people in my team are looking at me because I’m a leader and I’m an executive and they expect so much from me.
But, you know, I’m just a guy or I’m just a girl and this is what I want and this is how I talk. And they have a problem with how I talk. How do I fix that? What’s the first thing that you’re going to tell me or you’re going to help me with? How do you usually take them through the process?
Yewande: Yeah. Um, the first quote that came to my mind and I’m going to butcher this because I’m not good at quotes, but there’s a, there’s a quote that I sometimes say, which is what people say and think is about them.
How we interpret it is about us. And I say that because we often think the spotlight is on us. And again, executives, CEOs, and founders, there is more of a spotlight, especially if you’re in a company because everyone looks to you as if it makes sense. At the same time, the number of times I work through coaching sessions and it’s our interpretation of what we think that’s getting in the way.
Those are the patterns, some of the patterns that start so often. Even that clarity piece, the way that I would work through a client with that is to go, okay, you say that. How true is it that they are looking at you in that way? Like, what’s your evidence? Oh, because when they came in, they all stopped when I made a mistake.
Okay. They may have been looking at you. What else might have been going on? I don’t know. They were. They were thinking about lunch. They were like, there are so many other things. And it’s not to say that you’re wrong, but let’s not default to the worst thing. Let’s clear the space in our heads for what we know and what we don’t know.
And then now when we go, okay, here’s what’s true. They work in my company. They do look up to me because I am an executive. Here’s what I think they expect, but here’s what I want to give them, right? Here’s what’s most important for me. Now we start to get really clear back to purpose, back to clarity.
Okay. Based on that, instead of feeling self-conscious doubt how do you want to feel? Want to feel confident? What do you need to believe to feel confident? Well, I need to believe that no matter what mistakes I make or what they’re looking at, they still have trust in me right? And then we start to work on, okay, how do you build that? What do you need to tell yourself? What do you need to do physically?
So I do break down instead of, Oh, this person feels this way. And I say, okay, stop feeling that way. That’s silly. Like, what do I know? There’s a reason why that executive’s feeling that let’s, let’s get to the core of it. Let’s dismantle what’s probably just in our heads or your head. And then now let’s rebuild the new patterns. And then we go into practicing so often a lot of the work that I do is, what are you going to do next? Let’s practice it when we meet. How did that go? This worked, keep doing it. It didn’t work, stop doing it. I’m very simple like that.
Sean: That’s awesome. And we need something simple. You know. God knows we need simplicity in our world today. It’s a complex world. So many issues. My goodness, we’re losing our identity as a species to be honest.
The next thing that I don’t want to miss is this and we don’t have a lot of time today.A lot of people struggle with knowing what they want to do in life. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve gotten this question. So with your random conversations, that’s what you said, exploring anything that seemed interesting with your time in the wilderness I’d say.
What were some key moments? And you’re going to have to close your eyes and think back, Right? What were some key moments that led you to that? Aha, this is what I want to do.
Yewande: First of all, I love that you said I didn’t know because if anyone’s listening and I know there are lots of people listening, a lot of people don’t know until you know. Right. That’s the reality. But the difference is we step into it as opposed to doubting, right? You just have to keep stepping. I’m Christian as well, so that period for me.
Felt very much like I created space to hear what the numbers and the figures weren’t allowing me to, but the first moment that I often tell people was like a big aha. So, you know, as you go to university, you have a whole bunch of university friends and often there’s a group of friends, some that you’re closer to, some that you’re not.
And she’s a good friend now. But then I would say that we didn’t know each other that well, but we were doing an old friends reunion thing. And she and I got to the event early, so I’m like, okay, how are you doing? Da da da da da. And she was going through. Again, I don’t think that she knew me very well.
So I was very surprised. But she was going through a coach training program and then she just said, off the cuff, Huh? I think you would be a great coach. And I’m thinking, okay, you barely know me. And then and then in my mind, I was like, That’s not a real job. Like, I need something that’ll be like a real job where I can make money. But the voice came into my mind, which was, Look, Yewande you said that if anything seemed interesting, you would explore it. No attachment to whether or not it’s a real thing or not. It doesn’t matter.
But someone, this person who doesn’t know you has said this thing and you may not think it’s a thing, but it’s intriguing. So just go down that path. If it keeps going, keep going. If it doesn’t, go, block it off. And that was the first thing that came up. But the aha was or the second aha was when I learned more about coaching, I was just like, oh my gosh, this is the thing that I’ve always done.
It all just clicked because I was like, This isn’t a new thing. It’s a thing that I’ve always done, whether with family or friends or at work. But I’ve always seen it as a side thing, right? It’s like meeting with a client to talk about strategy and then noticing that he’s got concerns because he has to make this big, difficult decision.
And I talk about that and kind of try to help him work through his process or her process was like, this is it feels almost too natural for it to be a thing. But then I allowed myself to go down it. So, um, I think it’s listening to those signs and then walking down the path because so many people cut themselves off too early.
I bet you always say to people when they say to me, I don’t know what I want and I ask them a few questions and I’m like, It sounds like you know what you want. You’re just not embracing it. That’s the key difference.
Sean: That’s amazing. So what I’m hearing, number one, you were open to anything. Not a lot of people are like that. People are always thinking about, oh, what about my family? If I stop working, how can I feed them? How can I support my parents? So all of these things are clouding and fogging what they want to explore in life.
And as you mentioned, people usually know in their heart, as with all matters of the heart, you just know it when you’re there. When you don’t even try, you will never know you got all these fogs in front of you.
You’ll never know. Number one, you were open to anything. Number two, when that person suggested to you that you’re going to make a good coach, you took it. You immediately took it. Unlike other people, they start with doubts about you. You were like, Yeah, you know what? I’m going to try that.
That’s something that I’ve heard for the first time in all my recordings. This is the first time I’ve ever heard that. And I hope that you guys tuning in today have gotten that as well, especially if you’re in that exploration stage. Maybe you’re cooped up in your family business. You don’t love what you’re doing, but it’s what your parents started.
This is how you know, this is how you start with the matter of that heart that you have. You just have to be open to anything. When someone tells you, Hey, I think you can be good at this, accept it, Don’t reject it. Don’t start with doubt. Love what you said. I’m interested in you one day for people who are tuning in, maybe they’re curious. How do they start?
If they want to get coached, how do they know if it’s for them? You know, how do I know if coaching is for me if I need a coach? What would you say to those kinds of people who are tuning in? What is it about coaching that makes it so important? And I’m being coached right and I know how important it is. But for those people who are tuned in, what is so important about coaching?
Yewande: Yeah, it can sometimes feel like a luxury. I mean, again, I live and breathe this both in terms of coaching others, but then also having my coach. And I know I know how it’s transformed my life, right? And every single new coach that I have does. So I always describe it as if you think about people, people mix it up with different things
So if I think about therapy it is more about delving into your past and trying to unwind all of that. And mentorship is more about like, Oh, someone I see has walked a path that I want to walk. So I want them to tell me about how they did what they did. Consulting or problem-solving is, I have a problem. Tell me the answer. Coaching is so unique because the whole idea of coaching is number one, it’s 100% focused on you, right? The coach’s agenda.
How many times do we ask people things and they give us their opinion? And while opinions are helpful, to your point, I think you said it beautifully, right? Our vision and our clarity get so clouded by so much outside. Yeah. And so the coach’s role differs depending on the style of coaching, but fundamentally it is to help you work through and process what’s going on for you so that you can achieve and move forward to achieve the goal that you want.
So when people ask, should I get a coach or do I need a coach, number one, if you even have that question in mind, it’s probably worth exploring because why not? Worst case, you find out about it and then you find it’s not for you. But again, let’s step into things. That’s number one.
Number two, I often find that it’s good for people if you’re feeling stuck like you see that there is something, especially if it’s something that’s been on your mind for months or years like you want to achieve something. I want to start a business. I want to get out of my family business. I want to figure out how to improve my, as you said, work-life, counterbalance, or say work-life integration.
But it’s very important to you, but you can’t figure out how to move past it, right? You’re kind of going around and around. A coach can be so powerful because the whole point of a coach is to work with you and help you to move forward in life and to keep moving forward. So it’s very future-focused, which is what I love about it. And then there are different styles of coaching depending on what it is that you want.
So speak to a few different coaches, learn what they do, and see what resonates, right? You have to explore a little bit. There’s no perfect answer immediately.
Sean: Yeah, yeah. And so I’m tying you up with this question towards the last question that we’re going to get. How do you know if a coach is for you? So I’ll give you an example. I had one coach and I did all I think it was like five sessions with her and nothing came out of it. I’ll tell you now, nothing came out of it. Nothing phenomenal.
I tried it and I’m like, I was kind of disheartened because that was my first experience. And then I have a coach now. His name is Michael Sonbert. Shout out to you, Michael Sonbert. Love you. He just phenomenally changed. Not just me, but my organization. I mean, my goodness, the way you were hiring right now is amazing because of this guy.
And I always tell him he’s a godsend. My wife tells him during our coaching sessions on Zoom that he’s a godsend. And how do you know, right, that this is the coach for you? Is there a free trial? You go for one free session with them and you jump from coach to coach. What’s your advice on that?
Yewande: Yeah. Can I ask you a little question before I answer?
Yewande: I can’t help myself. I’m a coach. In hindsight, what would you have done differently with your first coach to kind of better understand whether or not that person would have been fit?
Sean: I would say. To be honest, I had no idea what I wanted to expect or what I wanted to come out of it except for a clearer path to what I wanted to achieve, which is to let go of my golden handcuffs and be free of my golden handcuffs.
Because SEO Hacker is growing, it’s a good business making good revenue Every year. We’ve been growing. We’re 12 years old now. I started when I was 22. There you go, CEO at 22 books. And what I wanted was to be able to break free from these golden handcuffs by the time hopefully 38 or 40.
And so the first coach would ask me questions and I would tell stories and give the answer, but we would not be moving forward in a way that is enough for me or that made good progress for me. And I could be a hard client, right?
Because progress for me is leaps and bounds, which is what I got with Michael Sonbert. My coach is right now. It was leaps and bounds. And the difference between the two is that Michael Sonbert was a businessman, so he understands how business works and how to manage people.
My first coach wasn’t a businesswoman. She’s just, you know, doing coaching full-time. And I don’t think she ever ran a business. Maybe that is one big factor. Why? There’s a phenomenal difference between the two.
But I would give them the same story, the same goals that I have, and the same problems that I would be facing. It would be just, you know, particularly different, but generally in the same caliber, but phenomenal results. The first one did not have such phenomenal results.
Sean: Hope I answered that question now…
Yewande: Thanks for sharing that, you picked up on two things that I often say, and I do this with prospective clients, right? Because for me, it has to be a fit both ways, right? Because just because someone wants my coaching doesn’t necessarily mean I’m the right coach for them.
So the first is getting as clear as you can about what it is you’re trying to achieve. If you’re not clear about that, then any road will lead you there and you’ll feel a little bit lost. And I find the strongest coaches can help you get clear about that. Even if the clarity leads to a coach is not necessarily the right answer for you right now.
But getting clear about what you’re trying to achieve. In the second question, there are a bunch of questions asked, but another question that I always ask in initial conversations is what are your criteria for the type of support that you want? Now, maybe that would have helped you in the first one in terms of going, well, I want someone who understands business because dot, dot, dot, maybe it would have, maybe not.
But I often push that question because if you’re clear, clear about what’s important in terms of the support, whether it’s your style, your preference, or the way that you like to speak, some people will say, I want someone who challenges me, right. Or criteria is I need to leave feeling scared by the thing I’m going to do because I want to be pushed.
Or actually, I just need a little bit of support because I’m not getting that. But the clearer you are about that, the better. Again, that takes a little bit of experimenting because, you’ll go, you’ll speak with someone, especially if it’s your first time with a coach and you’ll go, okay, I understand a little bit more than you speak to someone else.
So see, even that is a process and some coaches will offer complimentary sessions, right? Yeah. If it makes sense or likes to ask. There’s no reason why you can’t be like, Hey, it’s my first time coaching. I want to feel like I’m making progress. I want to experience what it’s like to work with you. Would you be open to complimentary sessions? A lot of coaches will say yes. What’s the worst that could happen? And if they say no, maybe they’re not the right coach for you for your first go.
Sean: Awesome. Really good advice. Another thing that I missed out on with your question from me earlier is Michael Sonbert is a type of coach who also has a mentorship segment in him that he will tell me if I’m screwing things up.
Most coaches would ask questions. Michael will straight up tell me you should not sweep that under the rug. You have to do this, this, this, and that. And I appreciate that very much about him. I guess coaches are, you know, you guys are unique people. Your styles are different.
There are just styles that would fit. One person would fit another person, you know? So I love what you said. You have to try and get complementary. I think that’s very, very good advice and be crystal clear about what you want to get out of it. And if people would want to get coached by you, Yewande Where is the best place to reach you?
Yewande: So the best place. Guess my name will be in the show notes. So the best place is honestly LinkedIn. The beautiful thing about having my name is I don’t think anyone else has my name on LinkedIn. So if you Google, if you go into LinkedIn and just go, Yewande Faloyin, connect with me, shoot me a message, even if it’s just a question of like you’re trying to figure out coaching. I’m such a huge proponent of coaching because of the impact that I see it have in my life and my client’s lives.
So even if it’s not with me or one of my team of coaches, feel free to just shoot me a message and ask and I’ll be more than happy. Um, and then, of course, there’s my website OTITO consulting.com. O T I T O consulting.com. You can also find me there.
Sean: Awesome. And if you guys are having a hard time finding the show notes, just search it in Google leadership stack. Yewande Faloyin. And we will have all of her links there. We’ll stalk her on Instagram and put her Instagram link right there
If she has one, every link that she has would be there in the show notes on the website. There you go. Thank you so much, Yewande for your time. I appreciate it. You’ve made us better today.
Yewande: Thank you so much, Sean. Awesome. I love this. This was lots of fun and very informative.