Can You Kill Fear by Taking Risks?

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Can You Kill Fear by Taking Risks?

Can You Kill Fear by Taking Risks? With JM Dela Rama

Sean: Our next question is from Erika. I want to resign from my current job to focus on my career, but my fear of failure is stopping me from doing so. What should I do?

JM: It’s very important for you to recognize why you’re having that fear of failure. With your current job right now, do you want to resign because you really want to move forward and grow? Or do you want to resign because there are some things that you can’t deal with in terms of your current job right now? So those are my questions for you, because I think that’s very important for you to recognize first why you want to resign from your job. Okay?

Because whatever it is that is hindering you or is leaving you that fear of failure, wherever you go, whether you’re going to stay in your current job or focus on a new career, that will really affect you and your performance. So make sure that you take some time first and think about what are the things that are giving you that fear of failure. So deal with that first, and then after that, think about whether you need to resign from your current job. Because right now it’s also very hard to get a new job. So unless you have a new job that will really take care of your financial needs, then I think that’s also a go, but otherwise, really think about it. Okay?

Sean: Well, if you want to resign on to your current job to focus on your career, first, you have to know there are people relying on you and you are also relying on that job. Can you really afford to lose that job? Because if you can’t, that’s going to create financial problems. Were you able to build on your emergency fund, which is six months to a year worth of your salary? If you’re able to do that, then you can take it a step further and finally think about that career you want to jump into.

How big of an opportunity is that really going to be for you? If the opportunity is bigger than what you’re doing now in your current job, then it is worth considering transferring to wherever it is that you want to go to. I don’t think the fear of failure should stop you. Life is about taking risks. You know, when you’re in your job, when you have a job, you’re just outsourcing the risk to your boss. But your boss still holds your risk. Why? Because if the business fails, if your boss feels the business goes down, you will be affected as well. You’re also going to lose that job.

So where is your security really held? Where is your success really held? Why are we so afraid of failing? Life is about risks. So it’s all about assessing if the opportunity is greater. And can I really afford to lose my job right now to shift into that opportunity? Those are going to be the questions that I’m going to be asking myself if I was faced with the same question. And if the answer is yes, the opportunity is great, I’m quite sure that it’s going to be really good for me, and I am secure, I have my emergency fund settled in, it’s not going to be a huge risk for me, then I am going to make the shift.

We have a follow-up question from Erika. I had a lot of things planned out from my business, but then COVID hit and experienced loss in my personal life. Sorry to hear about that. How can I go back to focusing on my work with everything happening in the world?

JM: Just like what Sean mentioned, we’re very sorry to hear about the loss that you experienced during this COVID time. And I know that a lot of your listeners right now, Sean, a lot of them are experiencing not just death losses, but living losses as well.

So with that, in order for you to really focus on your work, you need to go through grief. I know it may sound really heavy, but think about it this way. I went through losses myself as well. And that’s one of the things that I also learned from my training as a coach about grief. And grief, it’s like a tunnel. It’s like a dark tunnel, and sometimes you feel alone. And that’s why it’s very important for you to go through it, because there’s no other way sometimes.

In any tunnel, there is always that light in the tunnel. Right? But in order for you to go to that place, sometimes you need to go through that dark part of the tunnel. And what I’m seeing about that dark part in the tunnel is that all of these emotions that you’re feeling right now, maybe there’s a feeling of guilt. And then, the next day you’re feeling hopeless. And then, there’s another day wherein you will feel another emotion. And this is all normal part of grief. That’s why it’s very important for you to go through it and not alone. Okay?

So if you have anyone that you can trust, you can just tell that person about what you’re going through and what you’re feeling. That is very important. Someone who can help you to process it. And if you want Erika, if you’re open to do grief coaching with me, I can give you a complimentary session as one of the members of Leadership Stack.

Just message me on Instagram. My Instagram handle is @seasonswithmsjm. And yeah, it’s important for us to really go through it, the process, and in order for you to go back to focusing on your work again. So be kind and be patient with yourself, Erika, because you’re going through a lot right now.

Sean: That’s really good stuff right there. Complimentary for you, Erika, listener of Leadership Stack. That’s a big deal. Yeah. So God bless with that.

Focusing on work with everything happening, it’s tough. Usually with people who go through this, we actually ask them to take some time off work because you can’t deal with problems at work and problems in your heart and grief at the same time. We don’t like kicking people when they’re down and out. We don’t shoot our wounded. That’s what we say in SEO Hacker. So We’ll actually ask people like this to take time off first, recuperate, and do what you need to do. That’s what we will tell you really.

Good stuff so far. And this is our last question for tonight. From LJ. How do you support employees who are going through grief or loss?

I mentioned a little bit about this earlier. We don’t shoot our wounded. If they’re going through a tough time, we tell them to take time off. There are times where we send tokens. I know it’s not something that would heal them of the grief that they feel, but it’s just there to tell them that, “Hey, we’re here for you. We have not forgotten you. We want you to feel better and get better, but we’re also going to wait for you. You know, we’re not going to force things.”

It’s so funny because I heard this from a Marvel series in WandaVision. Vision there says, what is grief, but love persevering. And that makes so much sense to me. So we don’t shoot our wounded. We give them time and space that they need.

JM: Wow. I love that. How you’ve been learning from Marvel.

Sean: I learned a lot from Marvel.

JM: Yeah. That is so true. The level of love that you have for that person or that something, it’s the level of the grief that you are going to feel as well. That’s why it’s very important that your employees will get the right support. So some of the things also that helps them is to provide a safe space for them to not just take a break, but also to talk to people who can really empathize with them, who can really walk the journey with them.

And next is when you go through grief, it’s all about the challenge of having your new normal. So accepting the loss, but at the same time, being able to work on the things that you need to do. So I think it’s very important also for them that when they go back to work, you will give them a new environment wherein they won’t be judged for feeling grief, for feeling all of these emotions, but people are going to be there just to support them. And you don’t need to say anything. Okay?

Sometimes people want to say something and they’re being more of a hindrance than a help. So when someone is going through loss or grief, it’s just very important for you to just listen. Listen to them without any judgment. And when it’s time for you to give advice, ask them. Hey, is it okay if I’ll give you something that also helped me? It’s for you to accept or not. And if they will give you that permission, then feel free to give them that encouragement as well. So that’s it for me.

Thank you LJ for that question.

Sean: Yeah. A lot of people on my team have way better ideas about how to handle it. So I let them handle it. But I’m learning a lot of new stuff tonight. So I hope you guys have learned a lot too.

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